It was Me. With The Rose I Gave You.

Identity Memoirs Exits Letters

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The Confessions...

This will be a long one...
This few days... My heart just feels like it had been stabbed by
a knife so deep down... That it hurts so much..
I cried like there's no tomorrow.
I feel like just... God... I need you....
Allah... I know you're listening to me...
Please help me.....

I will start The Confessions...
Here...

I sat on a porch and hoped and prayed for all the hard things to stop.
I was forced to smile, but I never did, it was so hard that I fell & drop.
I think about you all the time whenever there's space and time.
I never thought I could fell in love with you when it was just a crush
in the beginning.. I went into a relationship knowing maybe there are no
chances for us being together so maybe that's one way I could forget you forever
but I didn't, the guy broke my heart it was worse than I thought..
Slowly I realize how much you mean to me and you are the one that I'm in
love with...
"I never thought I was falling in love again" that was what I've said before..
Oh, yes, not only your heart makes my mind wander but your eyes and the way you always look like you're deep in thoughts. It just made me feel so calm, secure and feel like you're the one for me.. But could there be any obstacles that are holding us back? Like our religion..? That's one thing and you're so committed to it while I'm devoted to mine.. Would there be a bearer? All awhile when I see you, my heart flung off and will ask me, what are the chances? And yes,its true I really want to know how you really feel about this, don't make reasons, my dear love, honesty works best in this kind of situation. Please, I'm begging you, Allah, I love him.. Tell me, why did you make me fell in love with this guy.
"Just kept in wondering why & why..." I kept on wondering..
You know you're the only guy who told me you was proud on how daring I was to tell you, that I had feelings for you. The guy who called me straight when I just sms 'I need someone to talk to' , unlike my ex who called me only 7 hours later.
The way you console me on the phone, how it hit me pretty hard and felt like I wish you were there with me so I can hug you and never let you go.. Allah, why did you me through like this... First was El-turn and now this new guy.. Why..??
I can't stop thinking about him.. The way you teach me songs on that guitar and the way you sang the song to me... And still I remembered how cold you were at time.. You ignore me and treated all other girls better and I still love you just the way you are.. God knows it, my love.. How hard it was to be a lady.. When she knows that she's loving a man that is far beyond her reach, something out of her stand.. But why did she go on..? Loving this man, on & on..? Because she believes that as long there is love there is still hope.. I believe in that, and will always still.
As life passes by slowly, I was giving up on him, not when I came across the phrase that I've mentioned above.. That changes my whole view. I see a new perspective. I thought about you again & again.. The times that we use to crap on the smses when you use to call me lame all the time and that will only happen when I use the word Magic.. Haha! Bring back memories huh..? You see... I just can't look into your eyes anymore.. Not like the past.. When I use to still like you... Just give you a look and we would be exchanging smiles.. You're leaving soon.. And I know I don't deserve your love even though your the only one I'm thinking of.. Maybe..
One day you'll a find your perfect girl.. The one that suits you in every view... But no matter what... I just wanna tell you....
Mr D..... I Love You......

Yes, its true you might say that I'm brave enough to just face him and say that I like him.. But this confessions.. I can't..
This is not about bravery... This is reality.. And I bet he knows it already....

~ Whisper to me Answers to it, Allah... ~
Amin....

Only Allah Knows My Sufferings.

I went back home.
Stare the ceiling, looking at the sky paint
my house had.
I wonder who else hears my pain.
Glad, happy?
Yes, I believe people will start to go to me and say
"Why are you in pain?"
"Why didn't you share it with me?"
One thing I will ONLY answer...
The pain that only God can understand those words I can't spill.
The feeling I can't describe..

But after I watch alot of different kind of shows.
Showing me different kind of lives..
I learnt alot.
You know even cartoons teaches me what really life is all about.
Look back in the past, the bad and the good ones.
what have you learnt..?
What made you what you are now..?
I believe in failing.
Yes. That makes you think, learnt. Succeed in what you failed before.
But if you don't, its your lost. Cuz its your game.
I definitely learnt alot.
And I'm writing this out to share what I felt.

You know most common phrases people love to say it around like,
"Expect the Unexpected"
"Success comes by failure"
"Believe In Yourself In Order to Succeed"
"Visions without action, is just dreams. Actions without visions is just waste of time. But Visions with actions changes the world."

Is what you hear everyday.
But I got this. Its not by me.
But read it... Feel and think about it..

"If I am not for myself, who will be for me?
If I am not for others, what am I?
And if not now, when?"
~ Rabbi Hillel

"Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense. This day is all that is good and fair. It is too dear, with its hopes and invitations, to waste a moment on yesterdays."
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Inspiration does not come from the quote itself, but rather the person behind it."
~Russ Myers

After all pain I face.
I slowly learnt.
You need pain, to be stronger. To learn.
You need to fail to succeed. To learn.

During A Journey. Any journey.
Take Note of the place,time,people,weather, just everything. Especially YOURSELF.
Cuz what matters.
How did you get to the place?
What time was it? Morning, afternoon? Night? Times of Suffering? Pain? Sorrow..?
Who was involve? How were they? Nice? Were they supporting you?
Weather? Wonder why the weather plays a part?
cuz it shows how you handle the situation? How you endure it.
Jus imagine you got lost in the forest and it was raining heavily.
It testes you. And imagine you were with a companion.
You have to look after him/her. It will let out you character, compassion.
Even commitment in continuing the journey.

Now what I've learnt.
Yes, pain. After all.
Don't depend on people to much. Evn your family.
Cuz they are only there to support.
Look back at times when you were small.
Count how many times you fall. And how many times there were hands infront of you
helping you to get up?
You will realise you get up by yourself more than ppl helping out.
}But if not. You got to back up. Can't live forever like this..
Cuz when you die, you die alone. Your life. Your story. You're th main cast.
Wrong dialogue, wrong story line. Wrong act, you screw up.
so think men..
this is what I wanna share..
What i've learnt.

"People said that think 10 steps ahead for your future its good.
I say, no.
I say, Think about the first step that you gonna take to go to the tenth.
Cuz if you step wrongly the first, the other 9, you will fall. "
~ Myself ~

Something Inspirational.

I saw this video.
I felt something about..
I Love what the old man said.
It struck me a million arrows men.
Inspires me. When I LOVE MUSIC & ART sooo much.
I wanna master piano & guitar.

Just look at what the old man says to the kid when she asked him.

"Why Am I Different From The Others...?"
I think the lady who bullied her, the one can play piano.
Can't even play it properly.. Lol..
Not trying to act big, But i think even my small bro can play better. =P

Yeah.. haha. Its a commercial on a Shampoo.
But its a good one for those who less fortunate to play music.
Don't underestimate them.
This is what I call talent...
PURE talent... ;)

Watch this.

Sigh.
I'll be a good Guitarist & A Pianist one fine day.
I'll bring all my loved ones to watch a performance I made specially
for them.. =)
Even my friends. ^^

God.. Im sooooo into Music & Arts.
I just LOVE IT.
=D

Okok. I wanna make a song right now..
=) Shall dismiss myself. Haha. =)

Kkays.
^-^

~ "Why Do You Have To Be Like The Others?" ~
=)

Twilight? New Moon?

Yeah.
I'm A MANIAC OF TWILIGHT SAGA.
Yes, haha.

You know why I like it?
It resembles on whats going on right now..
again.
Like his the Edward and I' the Bella.
The first day of Sec 3 life is like I've just got transfer to
a new school.
With new classmates and stuffs.
And thats when I saw him...
Yes, him..
we got those weird gaze on at each other and stuffs.
Sigh...
and yadayadayada.
But we didnt went together thats the BIG difference.

And in New Moon.
like recently..
He disappeared suddnly, didnt reply my msgs, didnt smile at me..
didnt even look at me, not even an inch glance.
he gave a reason...
Its because of His "OWL". those who watch harry potter get what I mean.
And when he's gone...
Someone else was there for me...
Sighh...

UGHHH....
And now during June,
he was there in the beginning... And now he's gone...
And he's back..
Im not saying he's bad..
& I dont care what anyone else wanna say about him...

Cause I just love the way he is.. =)

I'm back obsessed in THE TWILIGHT SAGA. =P
Sigh... but Im still sad about it....
Dont think I have hope with...
I dont deserve him.. He's too good for me..
But Thank God, you let me get to know him.. =)

~ GoodBye...

ALAS! It's Over.

Yes. After decades of not posting and updating about my shitty life.
Gonna tell ya guys, I did survive!
This bloody two days courses.
That made me dreamt about beautiful dying horses.

SHUTS men.
Seriously.
Sigh. I'm pissed with that skin on top that I've just changed!
ITS BLUR!
I DUNNO WHY IT DID WORK THIS TIME!!!!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

ok cut it out.
ughh.
Yeah. Tired, yes?
Sleepy, no?
God..

I planned to post something again..
Something most of my readers would know about me.
Something that I do, that could make me happy.
HEre it Goes again.
This is about what happened in the past and whats im gonna do now..

Seems like yesterday we use to rock the flow,
I lace the tracks you got the door,
and,
my life is what now you see,
this is no fun, this is reality.
What I do is what I present,
what I like, I just dont need your consent.
Reminisce sometime, when the thrash my story,
walking alone in their streets of glory.

And right now, I stopped, Im not dumb, Im not stupid.
Im not being harass or push around by those love cupids.
I got one purpose in life.
And that is to survive.
Im ignorin' all those bastards and bitches.
Thats hatin' me with all those face-switches!

I got one thing to say,
If you dont like me in a way.
And I would just call it your day.
Your day of me making it "sway".
I would appreciate if you said it up front.
Dont be shock, and Dont be stunned.
Cuz if u insisted,
I'm gonna cock it and shoot you with my gun.
Haha..

Im damn bored right now,
spillin' shits somehow.
Drowsy, tired, lets take a bow
As the show is over right now.
OW OW.

Gosh.. Im DAMNNN Bored......
hahaha.

DAMMIT.

SAY IT.

FORGET IT.

I MISSSSSSSSSSS SLeepin. =PP

Off.. ~~

My Last Requiem For A Dream.

A CHOREOGRAPHER.
A PIANIST.
An ARTIST.
An AUTHOR.
BASICALLY.

ANYTHING GOT TO DO WITH ART AND MUSIC.

Hip-Hop's my life. Seriously.

This is it.

This is My Last Requiem For A Dream.
No one is ever to INTERFERE.
DO NOT INTERFERE.
I WARNED YOU.

I can even KILL YOU IF YOU DO THAT.
I'm not JOKING.
I'm WAY SERIOUS.

Yes....
This is me......
This is it...

THIS JOURNEY OF BEING AND KNOWING WHO I REALLY AM.
IS EVERYTHING to ME.

Get away from stepping in.
If you wanna help,
you better tell me where have you been.
If you have any intentions.
to destroy my temptations.
your life's gonna have convulsion.
and its up to my sensation.
to put you through the misery.
cause you have thrown away what i see.

get it..?

Something made me realize.
this is not what i fantasize.
this is gonna be a reality.
This is what I'M GONNA BE.

OFF.